I Got A Question...

It's normal to question who you are becoming, but does it hinder your growth or support it? Let's dive in to what self-doubt is, and how to overcome it.

Questions

When I look in the mirror, who do I see?

Am I proud of the person staring back at me?

Where am I behind the reflection of who I was made to be?

Do I even believe I can be free?

I’m ready to change but what do I do?

I’m ready to create but where are my tools?

I’m ready to move but where do I go?

Take it step by step…

Am I moving too slow?

My mind is in a race

with question after question,

but what I’ve learned to find the right pace,

is stop second guessing

and let growth be my answer.

My biggest regret would be letting life go to waste.

I get out the box of my psychological crate.

To understand my purpose; I feel my ancestors' weight.

To fulfill my destiny – that is my fate.

This is my time, I can no longer wait. Start now and don't hesitate.

I'm in my element – God given traits.

-cin

Let's Answer Some Questions

Aside from all the questions we get at a family gathering, or when you run into someone you went to highschool with five years ago, the person who questions us the most is usually our own self.

Who am I? What am I doing with my life?

Am I good enough?/Is the work I put out good enough?

Am I doing this wrong or right?

Why can’t I accomplish such-and-such?

Will they like/accept me?

Be it a student preparing for a test, a creative putting out their work, a mother or father’s first time parenting, an individual bettering themselves – there has been a time in all of our lives where we’ve faced the gnawing questions that self-doubt has made us ask.

What is self-doubt?

Everyone can attest to the phrase “you are your own worst critic”, so naturally we would define self-doubt as our internal struggles and limiting beliefs that make us doubt our self.

It is that pesky inner voice that tells you what you do/who you are is wrong, or that discouraging feeling you get when things aren’t going as planned. For some, feelings of self-doubt may have led to lifelong battles with depression, anxiety, or imposter syndrome (inability to believe your success is deserved).

I can tell you personally that self-doubt led me to suffer from social anxiety for years. As a young child, I always stuck out. Mainly because I was black and african. (Note: I believe black and african are the same people, just different cultures. Growing up in a traditional african household, I found myself unable to relate to some things the few ‘black’ people around me were used to).

Because I didn’t fit in and was teased for it, I grew up internalizing the thought that I would never be good enough or accepted. This allowed for self-doubt to create a negative view of myself and how others saw me.

So what actually causes self-doubt?

The crazy part is that almost always, the root cause of self-doubt may not have started from ourselves, even though it is within ourselves. More than likely, it could have stemmed from hurtful words of others, or a standard we compare ourselves to.

Words of Others

Imagine a random person walks up to you and says, “You’re stupid.” Your reaction would probably be…

… and you would go about your day unaffected.

But what if “You’re stupid.” repeatedly came from a friend, partner, or even your own family? When you begin to believe it, the phrase changes to “I’m stupid” and you soon find yourself in a vicious cycle of self-doubt.

Comparison Kills

I think it’s safe to say that present day society is heavily influenced by social media. As a whole, we’ve come far enough to acknowledge the unrealistic standards shown on our feed, but the effects of longing to live this fairytale is still prevalent.

The truth is, we often compare our lives to what we see online. This causes us to create an expectation of ‘success’ based on what others are doing and have accomplished. When we compare our progress to the next, self-doubt creeps up and makes us question if what we do will ever be as good.

Keys To Answering Your Self-Doubting Questions

While self-doubt can be negative to our overall mental well-being, the fact that you do question yourself lets you know one thing: what you do and/or who you are is important to you. If it wasn’t, you would be okay with complacency.

Take some time to evaluate what you ask yourself. Are your questions a result of another’s wrongful judgment of you? Are they fueled by wanting to meet a certain standard set by others? Or do your questions allow for a positive reflection of self? When our focus is stuck on reaching those standards that affirm external ‘success’, we miss out on embracing the inner growth that comes along with the journey.

Remind yourself of what you have accomplished so far. I know we all strive to reach that end goal, but remember to pat yourself on the back for your small victories too. All of your past achievements should be a source of encouragement that you are on the right path.

On the other hand, just because something didn't go as planned doesn't mean you are on the wrong path either. Be kind to yourself when you fail because that is an opportunity to learn from your mistakes. There wouldn't be growth or a process if we had everything figured out.

Lastly, try not to compare yourself to others. We are all on different journeys with different timelines that come with different challenges. When we start comparing ourselves to someone else, it lowers our self-esteem and leaves us feeling unsatisfied with life. Instead, use what others have accomplished as inspiration that you can, and you will.

"What I’ve learned to find the right pace is to stop second guessing and let growth be my answer." -cin

Feelings of self-doubt can sometimes have you ready to pack up and quit. In those moments, always try to remember the bigger picture – the purpose behind why you started and what you are aiming for. Doing this will put your emotions in perspective and help you understand that what you're currently feeling does not define your entire journey. Once we learn to embrace the process, our progress naturally follows.

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When I look in the mirror, I am proud of who I am becoming.